Overcoming Heartbreak Pt. 4 - The Pain

You know that saying…

When a tree falls in a lonely forest, and no animal is nearby to hear it, does it make a sound?

Makes you think right?

Like if I don’t see it, it’s not really happening. It isn’t really there and I get to go on with my day, in my way, somewhat unaffected.

In a way, it’s kind of beautiful. You know there’s a big world, where things are happening all around us and yet we can stay somewhat oblivious to it all if we choose.

In another way, it’s a little sad, because there’s so much happening around us that many of us stay undetected, unseen, and unheard.

One of my favorite trauma teachers once said that, contrary to what many of us believe, most trauma doesn't come from wars or natural disasters, it happens at home and in secret.

FUUUUCK!!!!

That's the place where we're supposed to feel most safe, secure, and loved. And that's precisely the reason why it's so traumatic when things happen at home that makes us feel otherwise.

Enter in the pain…

Emotional pain is fucked. No end in sight and no documentable, one-size-fits-all, fix.

It can sometimes feel like the pain will literally kill you and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

When we're in any type of emotional pain, we are essentially isolated in that experience. There is no time in our lives when we'll feel as misunderstood as when we're in emotional pain. Not only is it disorienting mentally but it can also be physically crippling. What’s sadder and more difficult, everyone feels their pain differently, to some extent.

The reason why emotional pain can be so traumatic is that our pain feels lonely. It feels caged and desperate to be freed. And it feels shameful. Oh, the shame! The shame of our pain keeps us small and needs to be invisible.

So all of this pain just gets compounded into a poisonous infection inside of our bodies. Our minds become a prisoner of our pain. It needs to escape.

The fastest way to free our pain is to allow it to be seen.

When we find a safe and loving place for our pain to go, give it a voice and a place to be held, we give it another place to go and be transformed.

There are so many resources we can utilize to find community, even if we're not actively sharing, like reading or listening to podcasts. Some of my favorite communities include therapy, coaching, reading, and listening to music. Yes, even listening to music alone, is a community.

A community doesn't always have to involve a real-life group, community is simply where we find people like us and stories like ours.

Going through something painful doesn't have to be so isolating. While the pain you feel is your own, finding a place to have it witnessed, even if it's you witnessing someone else's, is the greatest gift you can give yourself, because, in that, you give yourself the permission to be known.