How Long Does It Take to Heal a Broken Heart?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve googled the question “how long does it take to heal a broken heart?”, so I know the pain and anguish you’re going through right now.  

It sucks, period. 

Since you’re reading this, I know you’re probably going through the kind of pain no one else can fully understand or appreciate and my heart is with you. 

I wish I could give you a definitive timeline on how long it takes to heal a broken heart or even how long it will take you to feel marginally better but I’d be lying and giving you a false sense of knowing that a specific date is coming. 

The truth is much more complex and takes a certain amount of faith that I’m sure feels difficult to access at the moment. 

Here’s the good news… Healing happens and it happens whether we’re focusing on it or not.

Here’s the tough news… Because healing is both passive and active, remember, it happens whether we’re focused on it or not, we can heal in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. 

Think of it this way; if you break a bone and you go to the doctor, they set your bone, put it in a cast and if you follow the rules of healing, you’ll heal properly and you will be able to use that bone the way it is designed to function (for the most part, right). 

Now, if you don’t go to the doctor and you don’t have the bone set, you can heal but with a deformed bone that simply doesn’t work well, while you struggle with pain and discomfort for the rest of your life. 

Why am I telling you this? 

Truthfully, I’ve healed so many of my broken hearts in so many unhealthy ways, that it left me more vulnerable to future hurt. I want to save you some of that, if I can. Secondly, healing in a more productive way allows for more healthy relationships in the future, and seriously, who doesn’t want more of that?! Whether romantic or not, relationships are everything and if they’re not healthy, all you get is more heartache and so much stress. Nope, that’s not for you. Not anymore. 

Now on to why you’re here. How long? Let me start with this… 

FUUUUUUUCK! That’s how long.

Healing is as unique as a snowflake, as unique and beautiful as you. It is different for everyone and it takes time to get to another side fully. 

Now that that's out of the way, more good news…

You’re already healing. Even in the most uncomfortable and gut-wrenching moments, you’re healing. 

You may not feel good all the time or any of the time right now but that’s healing. Healing isn’t linear nor does it feel great. Healing is painful and exhausting and also possible. 

Some more good news…

Studies have found it takes roughly three months to begin to feel better. Though, how much time or how much better depends on your unique situation and your unique self. This time could shrink or expand with varying scenarios. 

Is this your first broken heart? Or is it your 10th?

Were you treated well and just outgrew someone or were you abused and marginalized in your relationship? 

Did you find yourself in the relationship or lose yourself?

The list is endless and will determine how much time you need and the kinds of support you need to heal fully and productively. 

Anecdotally, I’ve personally had heartaches that feel like a bee sting and are uncomfortable and annoying and I’m healed from that in less than a month. On the flip side, I’ve had excruciating heartbreaks from abusive and dysfunctional relationships that took me years to fully recover from and those took me at least a year before I found a small amount of relief. 

You may not feel it in your heart every moment, but you are healing right now. Take notice of the moments of peace that come and watch them grow. Some days those moments may be just ten seconds of relief for ten hours of pain and others can be an hour of relief to an hour of suffering. 

Healing from a broken heart takes time. It’s what you do in that time that makes the difference in how long it takes to heal. You can do this!