Can We Still Be Friends?

And then it happens…“can we still be friends?”

Like a big fucking punch to your face, those five little words pierce your soul in a way you couldn’t imagine and you’re in so much shock no logical answers come to mind. The person that just broke your heart asks you if you can still be friends.

All of a sudden, you’re dumped and you’ve been relegated to the friend zone in a matter of seconds.

OUCH!

Not only are they breaking your heart but they’re actually asking for something from you in return.

Really?

Sometimes I feel like a visitor on this planet. And it’s specifically in instances like these…

Where you’re so mystified by the suggestion that it’s difficult to respond appropriately, so instead you take the easy way out and end up in a worse situation.

I know there are a lot of people out there that are perfectly fine being friends with their exes and right away too, though the majority of people (myself included) need time to heal…away from our exes.

I get the desire to want to stay connected to someone you cared about, maybe even loved or still love, however, it’s completely unfair to ask someone you just rejected to be your friend.

Someone asking to be your friend after they’ve just hurt you is not only selfish but adds serious insult to injury. It’s difficult to make sense of what’s really happening when you’re in the middle of heartbreak and this can feel like a lifeline back to the life you’re not ready to give up. The part that I take a bigger issue with here, is that the person that just told you they do not want a romantic relationship with you, is essentially telling you they want all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without having to give you anything or be accountable for any part of it.

Pretty shitty if you think about it and it’s especially tough because you’re hurting.

This “ask” gives hope where there isn’t any and it gives a false sense that there is still something there, a future maybe.

Really all it is telling you is that the person that just broke up with you either has very little, if any, awareness of how much they hurt you or they are fine with you staying hurt if they can still get their needs met, and sometimes both.

Please know, that this is not ok.

It is selfish and there’s absolutely nothing in it for you, except more heartache.

Do yourself a favor and kindly decline in favor of yourself and make room for the person that will want to give you what you want and deserve.

There is nothing wrong with saying NO to someone you still love and maybe want in your life. If they are serious about wanting to be your friend, they will understand that you need time to heal and they will give you the space and time you need, respectfully and kindly.

We all need to be able to process what didn’t work about a failed relationship, lick our wounds and rebuild our lives and ourselves with grace.

We need to give ourselves the love and compassion we need to heal and there’s no room for that with someone that has decided to leave the relationship. I’m not saying ever or never but in the present moment, if you’re hurting, there is no room for the person that hurt you.

Take the space that’s rightfully yours and begin healing your way to freedom from continued heartache. You got this!