The Dangers of Loving a Coward

Coward [ kou-erd ]

noun

a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.

adjective

lacking courage; very fearful or timid; proceeding from or expressive of fear or timidity.

What happens when you read this definition? 

How do you feel? 

Can you think of someone in your life that might be a coward? 

Do you have an idea that it might be your boyfriend/girlfriend? 

If so, read on…

It can be hard to spot a coward in our everyday lives. Unless you’re in the military and you’re literally in battle with someone it’s not something that's typically on your radar. 

While it’s not something we’re actively thinking about day in and day out, it’s essential to know who in our life is a coward and how being in a relationship with one impacts your life.

Spoiler alert: Being in a relationship with a coward is not good for you or your life

If you’re anything like me, listening to a hard story about someone's life, struggles and pains, can make you feel bad for them, you want to help them and at some base level, maybe even save them. There’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s perfectly normal and actually natural to want to help a fellow human being who appears in some way to be grappling with an issue, falling on hard times, and seemingly unable to take action. Maybe they seem weaker or lacking in something you have? Admirable to want to jump in and offer endless support if it’s a child or an adult who is actually helpless, yes. It becomes problematic when it’s an adult who is not only perfectly capable but is simply living in their comfort zone to their detriment and more importantly, yours.

Here’s the deal, we’re all afraid of something, of many things in fact, and yet many of us get up and get moving. Most of us will not continue to take from someone who is giving, just because we can. Even fewer of us will use another person as a human shield to take on the hard times of life, while we hide away unaffected. 

Enter the modern-day coward

Dealing with a coward is like dealing with a child that has a driver's license and a credit card. They exhibit all of the hallmarks of being an adult but none of the actual attributes that come along with age; like maturity, respect, decency, or integrity. Cowards are fundamentally and emotionally bankrupt and they lack the basic level requirement for a healthy relationship, honesty. 

Cowards are too afraid of being honest and therefore they lack the integrity to be honorable or fair. They will never stand up for themselves, let alone you and you will always be left to carry the emotional (sometimes physical) baggage of a un potty-trained adult. Ewww. 

“Love is no assignment for cowards” - Ovid

Loving a coward is never going to get you the life you want. They will hesitate to move forward and keep you stuck right along with them. If you’re ever in danger, they will push you into the fire while they run away to save their own ass. They will always put their agenda first.

They won’t even have the courage to have a thoughtful or meaningful discussion with you about what may be bothering them, even if it concerns, you guessed it, you. In any healthy relationship, you need to feel free to be vulnerable and voice your wants and needs. Cowards make this impossible to do.

And since they lack integrity, they cannot be trusted. You’ll spend more time looking over your shoulder than enjoying your life and feeling safe in your relationship. 

You have better things to do

Do you really want to spend your time with someone who can’t be trusted or who runs at the first sign of adversity? Think about when you fight, which in all healthy relationships is inevitable. Are they looking for what’s good for the relationship or what’s good for them? The two don’t always go hand in hand.

In the end, you want someone that is ready and willing to work with you during difficult times, not someone who runs away, keeps you on the hook with broken promises and future faking, or someone who is lying to you day in and day out.

Red Flag

The number one sign you’re dealing with a coward is lies. They tend to talk a lot and lie more often than not. If you catch someone in lie after lie, it’s time to reevaluate their place in your life. 

Loving a coward may appear safe because they’re seen as timid and meek but in actuality what they are is much worse. They are anchors that will drag you down and keep you in place if you let them, ultimately leaving you disappointed and deflated every step of the way. 

Save Yourself

You can understand them, feel bad for them and still love them, though safely from afar. Instead, choose to surround yourself with those who are strong enough to match your bravery and strength.