Ghosted

There’s little else in the breakup world more painful than being on the receiving end of someone who has made the conscious decision to end the relationship without telling you.

Character Traits of the Ghost

Before we explore what, you can do when you’ve been ghosted, let’s examine the ghost for a moment.

Coward

Rude

Disrespectful

Immature

Mentally and emotionally unstable

Cruel

Read that again!

Anyone who can knowingly disregard another person and their feelings without a second thought is either fundamentally flawed in their view of the world and others or, they are mentally and emotionally incapable of participating in a healthy, mature, and reciprocal relationship. Neither of those scenarios is sexy nor do they beg for you to leap into action with them.

They are unable to give you anything worthwhile and are therefore not the kind of partner you want to try and work through issues with. No matter what their words or social media are screaming, their ghosting is telling you loud and clear, they are not for you.

This, in no way, has anything to do with your worth and value, your desirability, or whether or not you’re lovable.

This is about their deficiencies and I promise they are doing you a favor.

Thank them and get to work on the most important person here, YOU!

 Let’s check in here…

Ghosting leaves you feeling powerless, confused, worried, and paranoid. Your self-esteem takes a huge hit and you wonder what YOU did wrong.

Our brains are designed to sort, make sense and solve problems. It’s in our nature to want to understand and when someone leaves you without explanation, it’s absolutely crazy-making.

What can you do to regain your sense of power and ultimately heal this wound?

First, acknowledge the flaw and fault lie with THEM and NOT YOU!

Second, you did nothing and I mean nothing to deserve this. I don’t care if you had an argument with them and called them an asshole/cunt out of sheer anger and frustration, there is absolutely no excuse to leave someone without explanation. Again, you did nothing wrong.

Now that that’s out of the way…

Have a funeral for them and the relationship. Seriously, have an ending ceremony to signify the relationship has ended suddenly and like an unexpected death, get on with the business of burying them and the BS that has clearly been going on.

Believe me, if they were so great, they wouldn’t ghost. No excuse. Believe me.

I have mental headstones for many people that are still alive and when I need to visit, I thank them for leaving and lovingly wish them well.

Pack everything physical in a box and either store it until you’re ready to throw it away or just throw it away. If its clothes or anything usable, donate to the needy. There are plenty of people out there that need things and what a better way to help yourself, than helping others.

Do something really nice for yourself

Get a massage, call a friend, have someone come clean your place, hire a therapist, coach, or trainer, or maybe all three if you can. Do what you can to make yourself feel better. Anything goes (well, mostly).

Do what you need to do to self-soothe and remember you are the one winning in this. You get to move on to bigger, better, and much healthier. Bravo to you!

No drinking or drugs. I promise you and know firsthand, neither of these will help. You cannot numb out your ex, you’ll only make poor decisions where they are concerned and feel like shit anyway. Take a break. Your body, mind, and heart will thank you.

Remind yourself of your amazing qualities

What makes you…you? Write it down. Celebrate your awesome uniqueness. Make note of that which your offer and say yes to making space for people who are respectful and worthy of the beautiful person you are.

Say goodbye…

Say goodbye to the disrespectful, to the cowards, to the immature, unhealthy and incapable, and say hello to much BETTER.

Give yourself a break

This is extremely difficult and painful. Honor the discomfort and let yourself off the hook for not knowing better, anticipating or preventing this. You could not have known someone would behave this way. You’re not the asshole whisperer.

Give yourself permission to get it wrong

Called them? So!

Text them and told them off? And?

Flipped the fuck out on their social media, voicemail, etc. Who gives a fuck!

It’s perfectly normal to have an emotional response to an abnormal situation. It’s ok to have a momentary meltdown. Have it and move forward. No living in the meltdown.

Then…say fuck you and thank you all in the same breath. You got this!