How to RISE UP After Being Betrayed

Betrayal is the ultimate hurt. Not only is it a violation of your trust, but it is also a violation of your basic human right to be treated with regard and dignity. Being betrayed can leave you feeling stuck and can have devastating after-effects that impact your life as a whole. 

You feel blindsided, humiliated, stupid and powerless

When someone deceives you, they take away your choice that alters your world in a way you don’t see coming and can completely shatter your sense of self.

To say you feel gutted and foolish is a vast oversimplification.

Not only is being betrayed a sucker punch to the feels, but it can also disorient you in such a way that you find it difficult to get on with life, let alone begin to heal.

Brain = Overdrive

You may be tormented by intrusive and inconvenient thoughts like:

How did this happen?

What did I miss?

Did I deserve this?

How didn’t I know?

Why me?

How can I ever trust this person again?

And the worst…

How can I ever trust myself again??? 

Being betrayed completely shifts your perception in such a dramatic way that many find it difficult to move on or live a productive and happy life again. 

It doesn’t have to be that way. 

You can move on and heal after being betrayed and NO, you do not have to forgive them to do so. 

The number one thing that is taken from you when you’re betrayed is your sense of power. You feel powerless to have prevented what happened and powerless to stop the pain of how you feel now. 

You no longer feel safe in your skin, let alone your relationships, and your entire body is screaming in a full-blown trauma response. 

You cannot heal until you feel safe

Your brain and body cannot differentiate between physical or emotional safety so it’s critical to be able to work on self-regulation so that healing can begin to take place.

What does this mean?

Healing requires a feeling of inner stillness and safety. It cannot happen in chaotic and stressful settings. Feeling safe is directly linked to your external environment and when someone betrays you, they rob you of that.  In order to feel safe, you need to have a certain level of agency, where you feel in charge of yourself and can influence your life.

Because betrayal can make you feel powerless, your sense of agency is hijacked. You’re suddenly distrustful and on edge. Powerlessness makes you feel like a victim and that feeling can keep you stuck in a state of shock, disbelief, and denial where it’s difficult to take action.

Anger is one of the best ways to achieve a feeling of power. When you are betrayed, you feel weakened and robbed of that which you know to be true about yourself, others, and the world. Anger can help you to take back your power. 

Anger = Power = Action

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions and the epitome of self-love. 

Anger can prompt action. 

When you get angry about what has happened to you, you take a stand for yourself and what happened. That anger is information, it tells you and others that something is not ok. There’s so much knowledge in that and knowledge is power. 

When someone betrays you, you become a victim of their betrayal and of them. The best way to rise from their betrayal is to allow yourself to be angry. 

Many positivity pushers will say anger is useless or wasteful and we need to forgive and love. 

Not true!

Anger is a message. Grab a megaphone and be the messenger for your betrayal.

This is about you and your feelings.

Let yourself off the hook for not being graceful 100% in the face of mistreatment, and take a stand for yourself. When you allow yourself to be angry about what happened to you, you tell yourself that you can and will handle what’s happening. 

Have your own back.

Having your own back is one of the fastest ways to let your brain and body know you are safe, and that you will be safe. 

Grace + Fierce Self-Love

I used to believe that being graceful while suffering someone's inexcusable behavior was a true mark of maturity; of being an evolved human being; and I was wrong. Anytime I chose to “take the high road” I felt small and helpless and my heart still felt victimized. 

Pain and suffering at the hands of someone we loved and trusted, hurts, period. It’s ugly and requires a certain level of scrappiness, grit, and radical self-compassion to really heal and move forward. 

Now, deciding to do that, that’s where the grace is…it lives in the choosing.

No one should ever be made to feel disposable and an act of betrayal does just that.

Betrayal isn’t about what you did or what you allowed. It’s about what someone else did to you. Do not own someone else's shitty behavior. Hold people accountable for their actions, respectfully of course, as you are a reflection of yourself, but speak about it and express your hurt.

The moment you get angry about what someone did to you, you let them own their shit and you hold them accountable for their betrayal. 

It’s here, in this anger and rage that you rise like a phoenix from the ashes. Let the fire from your RISE, light the way to the loudest and most self-protective voice that screams, NO to the betrayers, and YES to you!