Knowing When to Walk Away

One of the most painful yet powerful aspects of self-awareness is knowing when to walk away from a relationship that is no longer serving your highest good.

I can’t tell you how many times I fought myself or my partner of the moment, instead of just leaving, to spare us both the prolonged heartache that comes from unhappiness and dysfunction.

Both of which are inevitable when we find ourselves in unfulfilling relationships.

The truth is…

We all deserve to have our needs and wants to be met and it can be difficult to know when to stay and give another chance or when to pack it in and call it quits.

It can be really difficult to say goodbye to someone you love, care deeply about, or even just like. Often times when we’re deciding whether to leave a relationship, we’re considering all the time and effort we put into being in the relationship. Moreover, we’re also saying goodbye to the stuff that has yet to come. The dreams we’ve built as a couple can sometimes sustain a relationship long after its expiration date and that makes leaving even more challenging.

So, when do you know it’s time to leave?

Truthfully, sometimes you won’t know. Sometimes you will have to take a leap of faith and trust that what you want and need is somewhere outside of where you are now.

Taking a leap of faith can be scary and overwhelming though. So, what do you do when you want to know for sure?

Questions to ask yourself

·      Do you trust your partner and feel emotionally and physically safe?

·      Do you still want to tell your partner the things that are important to you?

·      Do you trust them not to use personal information against you at a later date?

·      Do you remember the last time you had fun or laughed together?

o   When was the last time it was easy?

·      Do you spend more time thinking about past good than being in the present relationship?

·      Have you stopped communicating when you have an issue because you think nothing will change?

·      Are you still having sex? If yes, are you just “going through the motions”?

·      Are you picking fights hoping they’ll break up with you so you don’t have to do it?

·      Do you miss your partner when they’re not around?

·      Is there more pain than pleasure?

·      Do you fantasize about being single or happy and free with someone else?

While some of these questions might be easy to answer, some can feel difficult as they require reflection and radical honesty about the current state of our relationships. That’s a tall order when you care for someone and don’t want to hurt them.

One thing I know for sure

I promise you this, staying somewhere you’ve outgrown will not only hurt you but it will definitely hurt the other person. The most loving thing you can do is be honest with yourself and your partner and move on with integrity and grace. Fighting to hold on is only a recipe for disaster and hurt.

Many of us never learned how to communicate our needs clearly and directly. And to do so can feel so uncomfortable that the idea of leaving without doing that feels easier and safer at the moment.

Gut Wisdom

What does your gut say deep down? When you’re alone, quiet, and able to tune into your innermost desires, ask yourself: should I stay or go? What’s your first response? Your heart already knows.

Loving-kindness is the only way

When you’re deciding to leave an important relationship, loving-kindness is the only way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with honoring an important relationship, whether it was love or not, with compassion for the other person. In every situation, we get to decide how we show up. This isn’t about what someone else deserves but about who we are and what we deserve. When we leave someone in a dignified way, we allow more love, integrity, and dignity into our lives and the peace that comes from that is priceless.

You totally got this!