Overcoming Heartbreak Pt. 3-Addicted to Love

LOST IN LOVE

Have you ever felt so lost in love you couldn’t think of anything else? I’m talking about the kind of “lost” where all you think about is another person. What they’re doing? When you’ll see them again? Do they love me? Do they really love me?

Here’s the thing, those are perfectly normal thoughts to have, here and there. In fact, they’re part of a healthy curiosity when you’re involved with another person. I’m talking about the other side. When healthy thinking becomes obsessive rumination and completely takes over. It happens when your head is full of intrusive thoughts, to the point that every moment of your day is spent thinking about someone else.

 HUMAN DESIGN

I’ve often found myself thinking…why are we designed to either not care about someone or care so much that we could literally die or ruin our lives for the love of another person? This question especially overwhelmed me after one of my most devastating breakups. I couldn’t understand why there were some people I liked and sure it hurt when they left, but then there were others where the pain of their loss nearly sent me to the looney bin. Has this ever happened to you? It’s brutal, right? One minute you’re totally in love and happy, the next, your mind and heart are under constant assault with thoughts about a specific person. So, what’s the deal?

 FALLING IN LOVE

To understand what’s happening here we need to understand a few things first. First, we need to understand what happens when we fall in love. The term itself, if you think about it, is kind of scary.  Whenever I think of falling, I think of something breaking. Though for some reason, we’ve been programmed to see falling in love as a romantic and beautiful thing.  And it is! Though we forget that when we fall, there’s a probability breaking something. But I digress.

When we fall in love certain physiological things happen. Your brain starts releasing chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin, which not only give you a sense of pleasure but purpose too. Of course, we’re falling, it feels so good our bodies are pumping out feel-good chemicals as a reward. In fact, some of these same chemicals, like dopamine, are the same ones that are released when taking a highly addictive drug. They affect the same part of the brain, the reward center, and make us want to continue to take the drug more even if it’s unhealthy and dangerous.  No wonder why we’re addicted to love, our bodies are telling us it’s a great idea and that it feels amazing. Why would we ever stop?  We are basically physiologically designed to seek pleasure. Our bodies aren’t keeping track of the long-term effects, it only cares about NOW.

 KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

Now that you know how the brain works and why we can sometimes become addicted to another person, what do you do? Similar to a drug, you must detox yourself to begin to remove its power over you. Going no-contact is the first and most critical step. You cannot get well in the same environment where you got sick. Next is to begin to educate yourself on healing and find what works for you. We’re all different and what will work for one person, may not work for another. Knowledge is power. This is an opportunity to TAKE YOURS BACK. Lastly, give yourself time and be patient. Overcoming heartbreak, especially one that feels all-consuming is difficult for everyone. It’s important that you honor yourself during this time, be kind and compassionate to yourself and give yourself a break, you’re doing the best you can.