The Truth About Toxic Relationships
It’s the painful irony of life that when you finally realize something isn’t good for you, it’s at the end when it’s nearly destroyed you and taken everything you have.
Since you’re reading this, chances are you’re in a toxic relationship or at the very least, one that makes you significantly unhappy.
While that’s reason enough to leave, it’s never that simple. Many times, we’re waiting for a sign or some big reason, like infidelity, to finally make a move. We’ve been conditioned to believe that just being unhappy doesn’t’ make something toxic and just being unhappy isn’t reason enough to leave. Sad, right?
RATIONALIZATIONS AND REASONS TO STAY
I know what you’re thinking… Come on Jeanine, “I would never stay in a toxic relationship!” or “all relationships have problems” and “nothing is perfect”, the list goes on.
Not only have I heard these statements and countless others before, I lived them. I was that person and believed them to my core.
THE BEGINNING
The truth is, toxic relationships begin like any other; fun, exciting, and hopeful. It rarely starts out toxic. If it did, who the hell would stay, right?
The beginning is the time when we’re trying to be on our best behavior, so naturally, everything feels good. Interestingly though, this is when toxic people are waving giant red flags in our faces. Unfortunately, we’re too busy falling in love to see them. Why? Because we want the relationship so badly, we don’t want to see anything else.
IT STARTS A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS
You begin a new relationship and everything is great. You’re getting lots of cute texts that read “good morning” and “thinking of you- wink emoji”, sprinkled in with bedtime calls to wish you sweet dreams. All of these, mixed in with a few dates would have anyone blushing. And it should, this is the fun stuff!
But then it happens. Nothing big at first, but a little something that makes you think, “Oh, that doesn’t feel good”. You’re not really sure why it doesn’t make you feel good just yet, but you have the feeling. The one where something doesn’t feel quite right but you can’t put your finger on it.
Here’s what I mean. It starts off fairly innocent; maybe a later than normal call or a missed date here and there. With the all-to-familiar excuse, “I’m soooo sorry, I got caught up” or “a friend of a friend’s great aunt died and I had to watch their cat”.
Well, maybe not the cat thing specifically but something equally ridiculous that when looking back you think, “I should have known!”.
But at the time the only thoughts that come are “awe” or “life happens right?!”. And just like that, without even knowing it, we’re slowly starting to give away our power. We give it away by ignoring our most precious asset, our gut. Sucks right!
THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SUCK
Here’s where relationships tend to start being unhealthy and toxic. First, it’s the strange feeling something isn’t right. Add on more occasions where the word “Sorry” is being said or maybe it’s not (huge sign to run). Then it happens; resentment, anger, contempt, and general unhappiness are a part of your daily life. While this can take a couple of months or even years, all of this buildup of unpleasant feelings equals a toxic inside and a toxic outside. The perfect recipe for toxic relationships.
IT WAS GOOD ONCE
Aaahhh… This statement was something I used as a reason to gift other people with more time. And it is always a huge mistake. Do these sound familiar? “It was good once” or “we just need to go back to the beginning to figure out what went wrong” and “maybe if we start over”.
Truth is, there are no do-overs, no one can go back to the beginning and every relationship has good moments. Even the shittiest relationships are sometimes pretty great. But living a life for just a few good moments that are mostly dripping with disrespect, inconsistency and just general displeasure is not living at all.
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
You read that right. Give yourself permission to say, hell no! This isn’t for me. I deserve to be happy! Even if we live a hundred years, it’s still too short to live in unhappy and unhealthy relationships.
Time is one of our most precious commodities and we need to start protecting it, along with ourselves and our happiness, with the ferocity of a lioness.
We all deserve to be happy and have a life filled with love and peace. Trying to make it work with someone that isn’t working, doesn’t make you a good or loyal person, it just makes you unhappy. In fact, it makes you disloyal to the most important person in your life, you.